updates for 10.31.2011
So last weekend I took my first day off of school to travel back to Washington, D.C. for homecoming at The Catholic University of America. This was my first trip away from Memphis since the start of school and the first time I had been out of the city since returning from Institute in Atlanta in July. I was honestly looking forward to this since graduation day. I LOVED college. I was involved had an incredible group of friends, lived in one of the best cities in the world, and overall had an awesome time. Going back to CUA is really a dream come true. Homecoming weekend was the best. I had the opportunity to become friends with some of the best people in the world and I miss them to death. Honestly the people I am friends with continue to impress me with their senses of humor and their overall quality as human beings. It was nice to shut the brain down for three days and revert to college ways of pre-game tent parties, post game tailgates, bar nights, etc. Leaving campus was one of the hardest things I have ever done. On Sunday getting on that bus was much tougher than leaving after graduation. Coming back to Memphis was hard. For the first time I saw what it would look like if I hadn't accepted my TFA offer and caught a glimpse of one of the paths that was before me. All things considered I think this trip was everything I could have asked for. However it also put me in a weird mood for the upcoming week. I had trouble focusing, I wanted to be back with my closest friend, and I got frustrated with my students far more easily than I should have. This job is hard. Really, really hard. There are no ifs ands or buts about it. Teaching and teaching here in Memphis is challenging on a daily level. It can be so easy to wonder what if. This week I let those thoughts get the best of me. Working somewhere else would be easier, no doubt but if I wasn't here right now who would be teaching MY kids. I can't imagine my life without my crew of 6th and 7th graders. The best part about my TFA experience and this crappy week was how it I was content to let it run my weekend as I sat in my bedroom and played video games all day. It was my friends here in Memphis who rescued me from my own crappy attitude and got me out of the house and back into the land of human beings. I once saw an interview with a soldier and recall that he mentioned that soldiers enlist for their country but stay on the battlefield for the guy fighting next to them. TFA is similar in that I love my kids and do believe that every child is entitled to an excellent education but the people that are helping me stay here and be my best self are the teachers around me. Much like college in college I once again find myself surrounded by a group of incredible people.
There was a time, not very long ago, when I was an active volunteer alumni recruiter for TFA. And, as you might expect, I was great at it. One year, I think it was 1998, I did a recruitment session at Colorado College, a very small school, which brought the house down. A year later when TFA published the list of the most popular schools for TFA, Colorado College was listed alongside The University Of Michigan and all the other common TFA schools as one of the top twenty schools for that year. The last time I recruited for TFA, I went to my alma matter, Tufts, in 2002. I even wrote this editorial which ran in The Tufts Daily.
I've been getting some emails from perspective corps members recently asking me if I think they should apply or not. They say that my writings and the writings of others have made them realize that TFA might have its flaws. But, they wonder, do those flaws outweigh the benefits of the program? When I joined TFA twenty years ago, I did it because I believed that poor kids deserved to have someone like me helping battle education inequity in this country. At the time, there were massive teacher shortages in high need areas. The 1990 corps had 500 members and the 1991 corps had 750 members, with a third of us going to Houston. I was one of those Houston corps members, the first group to ever go to Houston. At the time, we knew that we weren't going to be great teachers. It was unrealistic to believe otherwise. But we also knew that the jobs we were taking were jobs that nobody else wanted. Principals who were hiring these 'Teachers For America' or other paraphrasings of this unknown organization, were completely desperate. If not for us, our students, most likely, would be taught by a different substitute each day. Even if we were bad permanent teachers, we WERE permanent teachers and for kids who had little in life they can call permanent, it was something. The motto for TFA back then could have been 'Hey, we're better than nothing.' And we got out butts kicked. As tough as this was, we partly expected it. That was what we signed up for. We were like those front line Civil War soldiers -- the ones with the bayonets whose job it was to weaken the enemy front line ever so slightly at the expense of our own health and well-being. Many of us quit. I think that a third of the 1990 charter corps did. I'm not sure how many of the 1991s did. I lost count. Those of us who made it through the first year had pretty good second years. It was true, I guess, that what didn't kill us only made us stronger. Most of the people I knew left after their second year. They went to law school or other graduate programs. Even if they had a bad first year and a much better second year, they could feel they did their part in the fight to help kids. If many of those kids really were going to have rotating subs, we could be sure that we were doing less damage than good. I'm glad I 'did' TFA. Twenty years ago they filled a need. Putting a few hundred barely trained teachers into the toughest to serve schools was one of those concepts that was 'so crazy, it might just work.' We weren't always doing 'good,' but we also weren't doing much harm. Our five or six hundred teachers were pretty insignificant in the scheme of things. Over the next twenty years, TFA did a lot of growing, but not a lot of evolving. They replicated their institutes and increased their regions. The 2011 corps is nearly 6,000, twelve times as big as the cohorts from the early 90s. Unfortunately, the landscape in education has changed a lot in the past twenty years. Instead of facing teacher shortages, we have teacher surpluses. There are regions where experienced teachers are being laid off to make room for incoming TFA corps members because the district has signed a contract with TFA, promising to hire their new people. In situations like this, it is hard to say with confidence that these under trained new teachers are really doing less harm than good. As TFA tried to grow and gain private and federal money, they had to develop a public relations machine. They found ways to spotlight their few successes. There were some dynamo teachers -- there were bound to be. And then some of those teachers advanced to leadership roles. Some started schools, like the KIPP program which started in Houston in 1995. Some got appointed to big education jobs, like Michelle Rhee as D.C. chancellor, and some got elected to public office, like Michael Johnston as a state senator in Colorado. More and more alumni started charter schools rather than take the long route of becoming an assistant principal at a 'district' school and then advancing to principal. Some of these charter schools were successful, some weren't. Some of the successful ones, it is documented, mysteriously lose their toughest to educate kids. TFA ignored this as they needed success stories to grow. Even through most of this, up until about three years ago, I still supported TFA and encouraged people to apply to it. But right now, I don't. Twenty years ago TFA was, to steal an expression from the late great Douglas Adams -- 'mostly harmless.' Then about ten years ago they became 'potentially harmful.' Now, in my opinion, they have become 'mostly harmful.' Though the change happened so gradually, I hardly noticed it, TFA is now completely different than it was when I joined. I still believe in the original mission of TFA as much as anyone possibly can. The problem is, in my opinion, that TFA has become one of the biggest obstacles in achieving that mission. TFA has highlighted their few successes so much that many politicians actually believe that first year TFA teachers are effective. They believe that there are lazy veteran teachers who are not 'accountable' to their students and who are making a lot of money so we're better off firing those older teachers and replacing them with these young go-getters. Some TFA alums have become leaders of school systems in various cities and states. In New York City, several of the deputy chancellors are from TFA. I already mentioned ex-chancellor Michelle Rhee who now runs StudentsFirst. John White runs the Recovery District in New Orleans. Kevin Huffman, former TFA public relations VP, is the state commissioner of Tennessee. TFA likes to point to these leaders as the true effect of TFA. Even if they haven't really fixed the training model much and the first years are pretty awful teachers, and even if those first year teachers aren't 'needed' anymore to fill any teacher shortages, it doesn't matter since as long as a fraction of them become these 'leaders' TFA will have a positive impact in a big way on the education landscape. Which sounds great except these leaders are some of the most destructive forces in public education. They seem to love nothing more than labeling schools as 'failing,' shutting them down, and blaming the supposed failure on the veteran teachers. The buildings of the closed schools are taken over by charter networks, often with leaders who were TFA alums and who get salaries of $200,000 or more to run a few schools. Rather than be honest about both their successes and their failures, they deny any failures, and charge forward with an agenda that has not worked and will never work. Their 'proof' consists of a few high-performing charters. These charters are unwilling to release the data that proves that they succeed by booting the 'worst' kids -- the ones that bring down their test scores. See this recent peer reviewed research paper from Berkely about KIPPs attrition. TFA and the destructive TFA spawned leaders suffer a type of arrogance and overconfidence where they completely ignore any evidence that their beliefs are flawed. The leaders TFA has spawned are, to say this in the kindest way possible, 'lacking wisdom.' They say things like 'Poverty is not destiny,' which is true if they're saying that it is possible for some to overcome it, but not true if they are saying that teachers, alone -- and untrained teachers, at that -- have the power to do this. And the very worst thing that the TFA alum turned into education 'reformers' advocate is strong 'accountability' by measuring a teacher's 'value added' through standardized test scores. It might be hard for someone who is not a teacher yet to believe that this is not a cop out by lazy teachers. The fact is that even the companies that do the measurements say that these calculations are very inaccurate. Over a third of the time, they misidentify effective teachers as ineffective and vice versa, in certain models. 'Value added' is in it's infancy, and certainly not ready to be rolled out yet. But ALL the TFA reformers I've followed are strong supporters of this kind of evaluation. So TFA has participated in building a group of 'leaders' who, in my opinion, are assisting in the destruction of public education. If this continues, there will soon be, again, a large shortage of teachers as nobody in their right mind would enter this profession for the long haul knowing they can be fired because of an inaccurate evaluation process. And then, of course, TFA can grow more since they will be needed to fill those shortages that the leaders they supported caused. So if you're about to graduate college and you want to 'make a positive difference' the way I wanted to twenty years ago, you should not do what I did and join TFA. Had TFA evolved with the times, and it's not too late, I'm hoping they eventually do, then maybe it could have been something that I'd advise new graduates to do. Maybe they can make it a four year program. I know that this was not the idea of TFA, but I do think that when people teach for two years and then leave, it contributes to the instability of the schools that need the most stability. Maybe by bringing fewer people but having a plan for them to be true leaders with 'wisdom' and the ability to analyze the facts, even when those facts are counter to what they'd like them to be, future TFA leaders can be competent enough to handle the responsibilities they've been trusted with. But if you enter TFA now, I think you are contributing more to the problem, unfortunately, than to the solution. This is not to say that the current 2011 corps -- God help them with their dozen hours of student teaching classes of 4 to 15 kids -- aren't great people who are giving it their all. I'm sure that most of them, deep down, agree with everything I'm saying. But if you truly feel that TFA is really the ONLY way that you have a chance to 'give back' to the society that has provided you such opportunities, I suppose that you can apply, but there are some things you should demand before accepting their offer. First, you should refuse to be placed in a region that is currently suffering teacher layoffs. In those places, you will be replacing someone who, most likely, would have done a better job than you. Why would you want to live with that guilt? I was horrible my first year, but I was better than the rotating group of subs I replaced. Second, you should refuse to go to a charter school. Though there are some charter schools that are not corrupt, I believe that most are. They NEED those test scores and they do anything they can to get them. This often means 'counseling out' the kids that TFA was created to serve. Third, you need to demand that you get an authentic training experience. TFA signs contracts with districts where they promise to train you properly. But team teaching with three other teachers for twelve days with classes with as few as 4 kids is not fair to you and it is really not fair to the kids that you will teach. They deserve someone who is trained properly. Fourth, you should commit to teaching for four years instead of two. America let you practice on their kids for your first year -- you've got to give back three good years to make up it. TFA does not like new recruits making any demands, so if you make them, be prepared to be asked to leave. If enough people, however, make these demands they can't ask everyone to leave and they might consider fixing these flaws. It does make me feel bad to write this post. I hate that TFA has lost its way so badly and that they have become a huge part of the reason that the country is going in the wrong direction with regard to ed reform. I never thought they would amass so much power. Because they have refused to learn from their failures, which they deny, and from critics, like me, they have found themselves in this difficult position. When the corporate ed reform bubble bursts, as I believe it will soon -- you can't lie about inflated success forever -- I worry that TFA burst along with it. That's too bad since the people in charge of TFA do believe they are doing what is good for the kids of this country. They just aren't sophisticated enough to know that they are wrong. I'm hoping that one day I'll be able, again, to sing the praises of TFA and advise people who want to make a positive difference for kids to become a member. For this to happen, though, TFA will have to make some changes. Primarily, they will have to break the alliance they currently have with the so-called reform movement. It's not working and it never will work. Pretending it is, like pretending that all the first year corps members are succeeding because a few outliers are, or that all alumni run charter schools are succeeding because a few outliers are. All this proves is that in a large enough data set there will, inevitably, be outliers. And don't misunderstand this essay as me denouncing the organization or of turning in my membership card. I'm all for the mission of TFA -- to get more soldiers to improve education for poor kids in this country. But I want these people utilized in a way that helps, not that brings down the public education system promoting the myth that firing teachers and shutting down schools really works. TFA, in its current vise, is serving a purpose for which it was never intended. It serves a purpose that is no longer needed, nor wanted by the people it is serving. TFA, if it is not careful, will face the same fate as Blockbuster video. It filled a need in the 90s and the 2000s, but did not adapt wisely to the changing conditions. Blockbuster is all but gone, and TFA if it refuses to adapt may face the same fate. If I were 'America' I would have this to say to TFA: While I appreciate your offer to 'teach' for me, I've already got enough untrained teachers for my poorest kids. And if teaching is just a stepping stone, for you, on the path to becoming an influential education 'leader,' thanks, but no thanks to that too. I don't need the kind of leaders you spawn -- leaders who think education 'reform' is done by threats of school closings and teacher firings. These leaders celebrate school closings rather than see them as their own failures to help them. These leaders deny any proof that their reforms are failing and instead continue to use P.R. to inflate their own claims of success. We're having enough trouble swatting the number of that type of leader you've already given us. If you want to think of a new way to harness the brain power and energy of the 'best and brightest,' please do, but if you're just going to give us a scaled up version of the program that tries to fill a need that no longer exists, please go and teach for someone else.
I have survived my first quarter of teaching. Here are some thoughts and things I have learned. 1. My kiddos say "I gotta use it" to go to the bathroom 2. I have been called white girl 3. My kids put their hands in my hair the first day of school...they could not understand why it felt so soft. 4. "Ive gotta boo boo" means I have to poop. I figured this one out after 10 minutes of searching for a cut. 5. 3 years olds pee their pants A LOT. 6. My kids say "kickin" for chicken. 7. " I cracked it" means I threw it. 8. My kids taught me how to do the cat daddy-I hope they can teach me more dance moves :) 9. My district lost their accreditation . 10. Teaching kids to read is really hard. 11. I never knew that I would work 14 hour days and weekends- I am one exhausted teacher.
One of the most wearying things about this year so far has been feeling like A. I have no idea what's expected of me and B. I have no idea how to do my job. I find myself walking around being jealous of almost everyone else I come across, from the secretaries at school to the person that brings me my cherry limeade at Sonic. I think "They're so lucky. They know how to do their job." I know eventually it'll change, and that it shouldn't be a big deal, but feeling incompetent is wearing on me. Anyone else?
I was warned about the month of October. I have also been planning on posting for a while now, but my mood has been so up and down since my last post that I haven't been able to decide what to write about and what the mood of my post will be. So I decided to go for pure honesty with no greater purpose or large "point" I am trying to make. This month has sucked for the most part. It has been long. It has been hard. It has been frustrating. Thank goodness for my roommates, my friends from home, the loving second years who help support me even from 2+ hours away, and the veteran teachers who take care of me at school. To be honest, I can't even remember what has happened for the most part this month. I know that one day this week I kicked an entire class of kids out of my room. I know that a student threatened me and then told another teacher he wanted to beat me up at walmart. He is no longer at our school. I know that I realized The Wonder Years is on netflix instant and I have been using it to transport myself out of SouthArk a lot. I have had a lot of people recently ask me what I think of our town, our school, our kids, etc. I never know quite what to answer. I normally say something like "it is really different" or "it is hard to be away from home but everyone here is really great." These are both TRUE answers of course, but they don't really capture my feelings on this place, this job, this life. The day to day is getting a little bit easier, I think. I have stopped planning ENTIRELY day to day. I have been able to get some stuff ready for most of the week on the weekend, which has been saving me a lot of trouble during the week. I have changed a lot of how I am interacting with my kids, which leaves me less frustrated and exhausted at the end of the day. I am extremely calm in the classroom, even when I am telling an entire class to get out of my room after about half the kids have caused a scene laughing at the other kids getting in trouble. I am not tolerating disruption as much as I had been before. But are my kids really learning? No. They aren't learning much at all. I was joking with my parents about how I shouldn't get fussed at by TFA for not submitting my data because they would not want it anyway. My kids are not improving. They are not on track to be hugely successful by the end of the year. There is a good chance we won't make our AYP for Geometry and will be on school improvement next year. And I don't really know what else to try. I try something a little different every single day. I am trying to figure out how to motivate my kids. I am trying to figure out how to get them to remember what the word perpendicular means and what a linear pair is and how many degrees there are in a triangle. I am really really trying. But I haven't seen much in the way of academic success. What I HAVE seen is some kids speaking to each other in a nicer way. Or at least noticing when they yell shut up across the room or tell another kid they are stupid. I have been putting a LOT of energy into helping my kids realize when they are saying something that would not be appropriate in a work environment and giving them alternative things to say and ways to react. Is it happening as fast as I would like it to? No. But do I have a couple of kids every day saying "Other student, would you PLEASE stop talking you are making it hard for me to work" instead of "man SHUT UP or I am going to turn around and smack you". Improvement, right? Transformational change? Probably not. Helping them succeed on the end of course exam or preparing them for algebra II? Almost certainly not. But will one of my students have a slightly better chance of holding down a job if I can get them to say please instead of just yelling? Maybe. And here's to hoping. Last week I had one kid tell me he absolutely hated my class and a few kids tell me I was there favorite teacher ever. You win some you lose some, I guess? I will leave all my readers with a little treat. I asked my kids to write 5 sentences about what they want their lives to be like when they are 25. Here is one response I got. I selected it because the student was so excited to share it with the class that I figure I should share it with more people. I am typing it just as he wrote it. "When I'm 25 I want to be a millionare and help my family out the struggle and get off of waifere and food stamps. have my family in condo's with nice rides, and with a little bread in they pocket. Then have a good education and unique jobs, but also ima still be against the laws or the boys. Ima still do me. Ima always remember what my uncle told me "Never trust a female because they will end up taking your $". If that doesn't make you both smile and cry, I don't know what will.
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